Tickle-Me Tuesday

• I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
• Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
• When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
• Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
• You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted!
• What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
• Men are like bank accounts.Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
• Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
• Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.