This week, Texas students in grades 3-12 are taking the TAKS test (last time til next Spring). I'm posting teacher jokes in honor of the teachers who've worked so hard to prepare the students.
Taken from http://jokes4teachers.com/ and http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/jokes_school.htm
Teachers Can't Be Bribed
A High School Teacher was giving a big test one day to her students. She handed out all of the tests and went back to her desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The teacher noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the teacher handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
Fascinating Teacher Joke
The teacher asked her class of 8 year olds to use a sentence containing the word fascinate. Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating.' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate', not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and was fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.' Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her bosoms are so big she can only fasten eight.'
Kids Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER: Harold, what do yo u call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher.
A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.
As you shall make your bed so shall you.............mess it up.
Better be safe than...............................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the .............................................bug is close.
It's always darkest before..................daylight savings time.
You can lead a horse to water but...............................how?
Don't bite the hand that....................................looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a.................................................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new.................................math.
If you lie down with the dogs, you'll......stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the.......................................pigs.
An idle mind is..................................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke, there's...............................pollution.
Happy the bride who...........................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is...............................................not much.
Two's company, three's.............................the musketeers.
Children should be seen and not.........spanked or grounded.
When the blind leadeth the blind..............get out of the way.
This week, Texas students in grades 3-12 are taking the TAKS test (last time til next Spring). I'm posting teacher jokes in honor of the teachers who've worked so hard to prepare the students.
"Jesus! That name is the greatest weapon "believing believers" have in their arsenal of weapons given from God." Wayne Cochran
Rae's Thought: I have a huge fascination with name meanings. For example, the name Dominique means 'belonging to the Lord.' My name, Raenice, doesn't really have a meaning - it came from my mother's imagination. I just take it to mean 'unique'. Most people's names have meanings. Some are positive; some are negative. None of them have the power that the name of Jesus has.
For Christians, the name of Jesus is like beautiful music to the ears. We can listen to it all day and never tire of it. We can find peace in that name. We say we know about this power, but do we really? If we really, truly knew and believed in that power, a lot of the worrying we do would cease. Jesus' name is so powerful, that God put it above all other names. Also, the Bible tells us that, eventually, at that name, EVERYONE (in heaven, on earth, and under the earth) will confess that Jesus is Lord.
God has given us a powerful weapon in that name...it's up to us to use it and use it wisely. Things begin to happen when you use Jesus' name. Try something with me: I want you to holler out the name of Jesus. I mean dig into your heart, deep into your soul and say, "Jesus!" Are you sick? JESUS! Satan bothering you? JESUS! Troubles at home or at school? JESUS! Have so many issues that you feel like giving up? JESUS! JESUS! JESUS! Don't take that name for granted. His name has so much power, that, because we've just called upon it, at least one, if not all, of us has just spoken a miracle into our situation. You've called on Jesus' name, now watch God move.
"If the God we serve exists, then He can rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and He can rescue us from the power of you, the king. But even if He does not rescue us, we want you as king to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up." Daniel 3:17-18
Rae's Thought: Daniel 3 talks about three Hebrew boys, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who stood their ground, even when faced with death. They lived in a time where following God wasn't the most popular (or safe) thing to do. King Nebuchadnezzar had made a 90ft tall golden statue that everyone was to worship at the sound of music. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused to follow the decree, even after being warned of the consequence, which, by the way, was death by fiery furnace. The king ordered the furnace to be heated seven times hotter than normal - unbearable for the king's strongest soldiers, who died from the heat. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego still held their ground. They were thrown in the furnace, but, and this is the amazing part, they were unharmed...clothes weren't scorched...skin not blistered...they didn't even smell like smoke. To the king's amazement, a fourth man appeared in the furnace with them (some say the man was an angel of God, others say it was the Son of God).
Just like these three boys, we may end up facing our own 'fork-in-the-road'. Path one: do what everyone else is doing, even if it's not the right thing to do; or, path two: stand your ground, even if it's not the popular thing to do. There's a saying: 'What's right isn't always popular. What's popular isn't always right'. Choosing path two could mean alienation, persecution, loneliness, or maybe even death.
Despite the grim outlook, it's time for the children of God to stand up for what is right. Just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, we live in a time where following God isn't the popular thing to do. People look at us like we're crazy because we're serving a being that we've never seen before. We're worshipping someone (Jesus) who is said to have done something as impossible as raise from the dead. We have no physical evidence that what the Bible and our belief are saying is actually true, and yet, some of us are willing to die for our belief. Keep standing. Truthfully, I'd rather go against the flow and please God, than go with the flow and please the world (I mean, really...the world isn't the one waking me up in the morning and taking care of me).
When you choose to take a stand, remember that God is able to deliver you from your fiery furnace, just as He did Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Even if He chooses not to deliver you, He is still able. Cassie Bernall, one of the Columbine victims, had to choose between God and life...she chose God. Although she was killed, in her death, she's touched thousands of people because of the stand she made. When it came down to it, Cassie was a stronger person than many of us. God will be with us at all times, in everything we do. Having Him softens the blow we take when we stand our ground. In the end, we will be the ones blessed, just like the three Hebrew boys.
Which path are you willing to take - path one or path two?
I did it! Well, God did it, but you get the gist of what I'm saying. On March 19th, I set out to lose 4 pounds by the 19th of April. I've lost the 4 pounds as well as a total of 5.5 inches. It's all about changing the way I'm thinking & including God in the mix. This weight loss journey is hard and I can't do it without Him. He's the one giving me the strength to exercise when I really don't feel like it. He's the one giving me the power to turn down whatever junk food I'm craving, but really don't need (now, of course I reward myself every once in a while). I'm going to keep focus on month-to-month weight loss...you know, take it slow. I'm so excited! 4 lbs down...71 more to go!
Rappers' Bling. Within the last year or so, I've noticed rappers wearing less blingage. I haven't been blinded by the amount of sparkling jewelry worn on necks, fingers, or teeth (which, IMHO, is very ew worthy). Glad to know I'm not the only one who've noticed. Saw an article on the 'Net and found that rappers are indeed toning down the bling wattage. I am so glad. To me, it's not about the bling, but about the swagger (urbandictionary.com definition: to move with confidence and sophistication...to be cool; to conduct your self in a way that would automatically earn respect). Jay Z's got it. TI's got it. Luda's got it. These men don't need an absurd amount of bling for people to know they got money. Even dressed down, Jay Z is always impeccably dressed (if you don't know by now, Jay Z's my all-time fave Hip Hop artist...the absolute best).
Dancing With The Stars. One of my fave shows. Who do I think will win? That's a hard one. Gilles Marini, Shawn Johnson, Melissa Rycroft, and Lil Kim have been doing well. This week, Lil Kim's dance was awesome. Not sure just yet who I'd want to win...I'm thinking maybe either Shawn Johnson or Lil Kim (but that may change). Guess I'll have to stay tuned.
El Rostro de Analia. I am not a big fan of soap operas...not at all. The only soap I watched repeatedly was The Young and The Restless...and that was ONLY because Shemar Moore was on there. So, it's quite funny to me that my new 'must see' show is a soap. Actually, it's a telenovela, a Spanish soap opera, called El Rostro de Analia. Now, granted, I only started watching it because of Pedro Moreno, who plays Cristoban (very yummy), but I am officially addicted to it. Like, I can't miss it. It comes on every weekday at 8, which is why I'm late posting this - couldn't miss my show. The time slot presents a problem on Mondays (Heroes), Wednesdays (Criminal Minds), and Thursdays (CSI), but I just flip back and forth. The best thing is, it's helping me with my Spanish. I learn more every time I watch it. I can actually understand what they're saying! Next stop, being able to respond, which will come in handy should I ever meet Pedro Moreno in person, heehee. This is Pedro Moreno:
See, didn't I tell you? Muy guapo, no?
Matthew 28: 5-6
Rae’s Thought: There have been an alarming number of murder/suicides within this country in the last few months. These people, who had given up on life, chose not only to take their own lives, but also the lives of innocent people around them (including children). For some reason, these people felt there is no hope.
Our country is going through a major economic crisis right now. What’s worse is we don’t know for sure how long this crisis is going to last. Words like ‘recession’ and ‘inflation’ strike fear and terror (and cause depression) in many Americans. Companies are cutting positions, people are losing their jobs, families are being forced out of their homes…many Americans are losing hope.
When Jesus was crucified on the cross, over 2000 years ago, His followers and those that loved Him lost all hope. They were so sure He was ‘The One’ – the Messiah sent to save their people – and yet He was dead. The man they followed for the past 3 years (33 years for some)…the same man who warmed their hearts with His presence…was no longer there. The silence must have been deafening. No more parables. No more miracles. No more Jesus. I can only imagine how depressing that Friday and Saturday must have been. The future, in their eyes, was bleak. Their hope was buried in a tomb with a huge stone covering the entrance and huge guards protecting the area…or so they thought…
Imagine the emotions going through the three women as they went to the tomb Sunday morning to clean their Lord’s body. Imagine their pain as they walked the road leading to the tomb, remembering how He was beaten, laughed at, and nailed to the cross. Imagine their surprise when they saw no guards and the stone rolled away. Imagine their joy when they were told by the angel that Jesus, their Lord, had risen. Hope had been restored.
I know the Easter story is about Jesus’ crucifixion/resurrection for my salvation, but it’s so much more than that to me. It’s about hope, even in the bleakest of times. It’s about not being afraid, even when the situation looks bad (“Do not be afraid…” Matthew 28: 5). It’s about believing that God will do exactly what He said He’ll do (“He is not here! For He has been resurrected, just as He said.” Matthew 28: 6). Despite what may seem like a desolate situation in the American economic crisis, I still have hope. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. My hope isn’t in the new president or American financial institutions. My hope isn’t in anything of this world. It’s in Jesus and I’m clinging to Him like a lifeline, refusing to let Him go. I have a RISEN SAVIOR who is taking care of things in the background for me. HE IS IN CONTROL, therefore, I still have hope.
This is my 100th post! Yay me!
iPods. I love music...a lot. I listen to anything that makes me move - from Hip Hop to Pop, Gospel to Latin...if the beat is tight, I'm listening to it. I'm hardly ever in the mood to listen to just one type of music. My iPod playlist reflects that. I'm all about what makes my wanna dance (which is something I love doing). When I listen to my iPod, I usually put it on shuffle and let it play. Like now, I'm listening to 'I'm Gonna Live Til I Die' by Queen Latifah, which has a kind of Broadway feel to it. The next 4 songs are, 'I'd Like To' by Corinne Bailey Rae, 'What About Now' by Daughtry, 'Eres Para Mi' by Julieta Venegas, and 'Right Round' by Flo Rida. See what I'm talking about? Variety...that's what it's all about.
I have the 8GB Nano, which can hold up to 2000 songs. I'm in absolute musical heaven. Has anyone even reached 2000? I know it's possible, but sheesh. 2000 songs! 714. That's how many songs I have and the number is growing. I mean, as long as artists keep coming out with music, I'll have songs to download on my iPod.
2. The word 'deal' is written in big letters, so you get...'big deal'.
Lenten Season. Today is the last day of Lenten season for me. Technically, Christians fast for 40 days (Ash Wednesday, February 25th - Palm Sunday, April 5th), but my family have always gone the extra week to Easter Sunday. I've been blessed these past 40 days, spending time with Jesus, falling more and more in love with Him. My sacrifice was not food. Giving up eating wouldn't have been a sacrifice for me since I actually don't eat enough in the first place. So, I sacrificed time, pop, and reading. No soda for me. I got up 15 minutes earlier in the morning for devotional time. I don't like getting up earlier than I have to, BUT I needed to start my day off right. The funny thing is, I'm sure I'll continue getting up. My day just isn't right if I don't start off with Jesus. And the reading? Oh boy was that a hard one. I gave up reading my fiction novels for 40 days, which is why my 'Books I've Read in 2009' list has shown the same books for the past month and a half. I think this was the hardest sacrifice because of how much I love reading. Yeah, I'm a nerd, I know (and proud of it). I did it because it got to a point where I was reading my novels more than I was reading my Bible or devotional books. So, anyway, I'm looking forward to reading a good fiction book, but not letting it get more important than reading the ultimate book.
Wordles Answers: 1) I understand; 2) big deal; 3) just between you and me; 4) sitting on top of the world. Wordles taken from: http://pages.minot.k12.nd.us/wordles/set1/; http://http//pages.minot.k12.nd.us/wordles/set2/
51 - 101 of 101 Ways to Annoy People
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. 100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Rae’s Thought: Sometimes, following Jesus can get downright scary. I don’t always know where I’m going. I don’t know what I’ll encounter on the way. I can’t even see the road ahead of me. So many uncertainties while walking with the Lord.
One thing I can be certain of, though, is that He is right there with me, leading me where I need to go. It’s not in His plans for me to be harmed. He only wants what’s best for me. He wants to give me a future and hope (Jeremiah 29:11). And during the times I feel lost, all I have to do is call to Him and He’ll listen…seek Him and I will find Him (Jeremiah 29:12 – 13).
So, yeah, I don’t know where I’m going. I surely can’t see the road ahead of me, nor do I know where it will end. Am I scared? Nah. Am I anxious? Nope. Terrified? Not that either. Why not? I’ve got a Guide who knows all and sees all. I trust in His ability to lead me in the right direction. He’s led gazillions of people on their personal paths and haven’t lost one yet. Something tells me it’ll be that way for eternity.
If I focus on Him, those uncertainties won’t even matter. I don’t really want to know what’s ahead, anyway. To me, finding out what’s going to happen in my future is like finding out what’s going to happen at the end of a book or movie…before I even get a chance to read or watch it for the first time. Takes the excitement out of it.
I’m excited about my journey with Jesus. It won’t be boring, I’ll tell you that. I’m ready to buckle my seat belt, put my eyes on Him, and let Him take me on the wildest, most exciting ride of my life. Care to join?
Another pound gone away! Yay me! My goal for my first month (March 19h - April 18th) was to lose at least 4 pounds (one pound/week). I am more than halfway there, with 2 weeks left. I've lost a total of 3 pounds in 2 weeks...the safe way, of course.
What did I do differently? Changed my way of thinking and put God into the equation. I've asked Him to help me with my weight loss journey. I know...shoulda did this earlier. *Sigh* Doesn't matter, I'm doing it now and He's doing just what I asked. I've had the will power to turn away unhealthy snacks (sometimes, but, hey, we're allowed ice cream every once in awhile). I've also had the strength to workout everyday this week. So yeah, I'm getting results...and I'm feeling good. YIPPEE!
TAKS Test. So, next Tuesday, every 5th grader in the state of Texas will take the Math TAKS test. Both teachers and students have been preparing this whole year for this test. I've been working as a Math support teacher (extra help for those who struggle in Math) and have watched some of my kids struggle big time. They try so hard, but it's not clicking for some reason. It breaks my heart to see their frustration. I feel their pain...I really do. Math was my weakest subject. It still is. I struggled with math to the point of tears and frustration...disliked it since about the 6th grade. I'm only now, at 32, getting to the point of maybe liking it.
- Parents: This isn't an easy test. Try to make things a little easier for you 'babies' around this time. They've been working hard to get to this point and anything can hurt their chances of doing their best job.
- Teachers: The time has come. You've worked hard getting your students ready. Now, it's up to them. You've done all you can. Don't stress (won't help you, so what's the point).
- Students: You've worked hard for this. Remember, you are bigger than this test. Don't let it beat you. YOU CAN CONQUER IT! It's time to show everyone what you're made of. Go do your thing!
All students are in my prayers. I've given it to God, so should you. The rest of the TAKS dates are: April 7 - Grade 5 Math (English and Spanish) Grade 8 Math ; April 28 - Grades 3–4 Math (English and Spanish) Grade 6 Math (English and Spanish) Grade 7 Math Grade 10 Math; April 29 - Grade 4 Reading (English and Spanish) Grade 6 Reading (English and Spanish) Grade 7 Reading Exit Level Math; April 30 - Grade 8 Science Grade 9 Mathematics Grade 10 Science Exit Level Science; and May 1 - Grade 8 Social Studies Grade 10 Social Studies Exit Level Social Studies.
I'm not going to go on a rant about this. I won't do it. Nope, you can't make me...
Parents opposed to the aging of Dora (she's 10 in this pic) says she looks too sexy. Ooookaaaay. They say she looks like a 'streetwalker' and a 'sexed-up version of a children's icon.' Really? 'Cause I don't see it. Some people are riled up because she's growing up. She's dressed just like any other tween girl her age. It's hard to think about, but, yes, girls are wearing lip gloss at 10 years old. Heck, I've seen 1st grade girls wearing lip gloss. Not saying it's right, it's just the way things are. Girls grow up. Can the girls who've watched her since they were infants get someone who looks like them now?
I don't know. I really don't see the problem. To me, they're making a big deal over nothing. The Rugrats had to grow up...why can't Dora? Can someone explain it to me?