Tickle-Me Tuesday

This week, Texas students in grades 3-12 are taking the TAKS test (last time til next Spring). I'm posting teacher jokes in honor of the teachers who've worked so hard to prepare the students.

Taken from http://jokes4teachers.com/ and http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/jokes_school.htm

Teachers Can't Be Bribed
A High School Teacher was giving a big test one day to her students. She handed out all of the tests and went back to her desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The teacher noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the teacher handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

Fascinating Teacher Joke
The teacher asked her class of 8 year olds to use a sentence containing the word fascinate. Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating.' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate', not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and was fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.' Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her bosoms are so big she can only fasten eight.'

Kids Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER: Harold, what do yo u call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher.

Student Proverbs
A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

As you shall make your bed so shall you.............mess it up.
Better be safe than...............................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the .............................................bug is close.
It's always darkest before..................daylight savings time.
You can lead a horse to water but...............................how?
Don't bite the hand that....................................looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a.................................................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new.................................math.
If you lie down with the dogs, you'll......stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the.......................................pigs.
An idle mind is..................................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke, there's...............................pollution.
Happy the bride who...........................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is...............................................not much.
Two's company, three's.............................the musketeers.
Children should be seen and not.........spanked or grounded.
When the blind leadeth the blind..............get out of the way.