1 - 50 of 101 Ways to Annoy People (51-101 next week)
http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Misc-Jokes/101-Ways-To-Annoy-People.html
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
Tickle-Me Tuesday
Inspirational Sunday
Chris Tomlin
Rae’s Thought: One of my favorite songs is Chris Tomlin’s, ‘How Great is Our God.’ The whole song – from the words to the music, beginning to end – captures how magnificent God is. He wraps himself in light, and darkness tries to hide, and trembles at his voice…Age to age he stands, and time is in his hands, beginning and the end… Every time I hear this song, I end up with tears in my eyes, worshipping and praising God.
He is awesome isn’t he? He’s created a masterpiece (this universe) with his tender hands and voice. Now, humans can create some pretty cool things, but NOTHING compares to making an entire universe. I’d like to see someone try to get even close to it (you can’t, btw). And how about the fact that His name is so powerful, just saying it makes things happen? Not even the most recognized names on the planet can have that power. I mean, demons and Satan himself trembles at the name. When Satan is bothering you, try saying your name. He’ll probably laugh all throughout hell at the thought of the human who thinks he’s (or she’s) somebody. Oh, but say the name of Jesus and Satan will run and cower in a corner like a scared puppy.
Why is God awesome to you? What has He done for you? Think of all the blessings, big and small, that God has bestowed upon you. Having a hard time? How about the fact that you’re alive? You may think that alarm clock or person woke you up, but it was God. What about the fact that the planets, stars, sun, and moons are suspended in air with nothing (visible) holding them up? That’s not magic, y’all…it’s God. The fact that you’re reading this? Yep, God. Plants, animals, trees, nature = God. Your job, clothes, car, etc…all God. And even if you’re without a job, God is still keeping you in His capable hands. Let’s not forget the fact the sacrifice on Calvary. He did not have to do it, but He loved us so much…
Don’t let this week go by without you thinking about God and His awesomeness…and when you’re done, thank and praise Him. He’s worth that and more.
Fitness Friday
Last week, I said I was changing my focus with my weight loss journey - moving my focus from the weight to God. I started this approach last Thursday, where I have a daily scripture and affirmation to meditate on. I've changed my way of thinking (all positive; no negative). Apparently it's working because I've lost 2 lbs in one week, which isn't bad for that amount of time. I'm still watching what I eat and working out.
Speaking of workouts, my new neighborhood has a sand volleyball court. I'm soooooo happy about that, since I LOVE playing volleyball. When we lived with our parents, my sister and I would just volley the ball back and forth as a workout since they didn't have a court/net. But now...oh yeah, we're about to get our workout on! And playing volleyball in the sand is an even better workout than regular v-ball. Yeah, baby!
I finally did the Laila Ali/Sugar Ray Leonard boxing workout. It's not on the same level of, say the TaeBo vids as far as production is concerned (not bad, though), but, to me, it's still a good workout. I haven't done the advanced dvd yet. Sugar Ray motivates throughout, but Laila does most of the talking (maybe her name should go first...but then, Sugar Ray is a bigger name). I'm working my way up to the heavyweight dvd (gotta get through the lightweight dvd first).
Random Thoughts Thursday
I feel like ranting today. I'm clearly holding my tongue in check because I never know who's reading my blogs (like kids). Both situations piss me off, though, which is saying something, because it's hard to piss me off.
Power Trips. So, I heard about news story about Ryan Moats getting a ticket while his mother-in-law lay in the hospital dying. I also saw the video. Now, whether or not the cop was being racist, I don't know. What I do know, from watching the video, is that he had a major "God" complex. He wanted to assert his authority, let them know that he was in charge, etc. At least that's how he came off in the video. "Shut your mouth." "I can just take you to jail for running a red light." "I can tow your truck." "I can make your night very difficult." This man was on a power trip. The officer was told several times that Moats' mother-in-law was dying as they spoke. He continued on his power trip. Even when Moats calmed down and said, "Yes sir," all throughout his lecture, the man kept yapping on. Ryan kept saying, "Write me the ticket" and "My mom is dying as we speak, man" but the officer kept at it. At what point could the officer have realized, "Hey, they pulled up to a hospital. Maybe he's telling the truth"? Even when 2 nurses (at different times) came out to tell him that Moats' mom-in-law was dying (the nurse even said 'code blue, we need him up there') the officer wouldn't let him go.
After all was said and done, he finally let him go (after more than 10 minutes for a d**n routine traffic stop), but Moats got up there too late. She had already died. Thankfully, Moats' wife went on into the hospital - ignoring the officer's orders to stop - and was able to see her mom before she died. Ryan Moats will not get time back to spend with his mother-in-law during her last moments. Why? All because a young officer (it is said he hasn't been on the force long) wanted to show everybody, "Hey, look at me...I'm in charge, now." And he had the nerve to tell Moats before he let him go (I'm paraphrasing), "If you'd calmed down and told me this in the first place, I probably would've let you go." Really? Cause, if my ears heard correctly, when he first pulled them over, both Moats and his wife said, "MY MOTHER IS DYING RIGHT NOW." Sounds like they told him, but he didn't let them go. Power Trip!
Powerful Words. I wonder if people - especially adults - realize how powerful words really are. Seriously. I'm not sure that we do...or we realize it and don't care). I know action speaks louder than words, but sometimes words hold more power. If you're constantly saying, I'm stupid, I'm dumb or something like that, what's going to happen? You'll start believing it (no matter what others may say) and acting like what you've been telling yourself you are.
It annoys the hell out of me when I hear of adults speaking negativity in kids' lives. How can a person, as a parent, look at their child and call them dumb or stupid? I'm so sick of adults going on and on about how bad kids are and how they'll never amount to anything. Have you ever thought about the fact that some kids act the way they do because they've been told all their lives that they're bad? It's so true. It's not always the kids' fault. I've worked with kids, smart kids, who have no self esteem because they have parents yapping in their ear about how dumb they are. Some teachers are guilty of this, too. I remember a teacher telling my students, "You're all a bunch of hoodlums." Anger...that's what I felt. Not at the students, but at the teacher. I had to pray before I speak. I refuse to call kids 'bad'. Ask anyone that knows me. I won't do it. I had a rough 2nd grade class my 1st year of teaching, but, to this day, I won't call them bad. It literally hurts me when I hear of children being subject to verbal abuse (or any type of abuse for that matter). WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR CHILDREN!!! If you are a child reading this, know that you are not stupid, nor are you dumb. You will amount to something and no, you are not bad. You were created by God in His image (and God isn't dumb, stupid, ugly, bad, etc). You are special to Him, no matter what ANYONE says.
Verbal abuse. That's what it is, when you're constantly degrading someone with your words. Being an adult does NOT give you the right to degrade a child. Pick on someone your own size (but I sure you won't because you're too much of a coward to)! I ask you...I implore you: please watch what you say to people...especially to children and teens. Get a clue, people: WORDS ARE POWERFUL...especially to kids.
Inspirational Sunday
From Beliefnet.com
Prayer For Rising Above Fear
Dear Lord, please ease our hearts in this world of uncertainty, As we balance that which we desire with our true need, As we look for higher values in the midst of material loss,As we remember the wealth and abundance born of your creation, And know that as you move us from fear to love, We will be enriched with the treasures of spirit and peace. Amen
- Rev. Victor Fuhrman
Prayer for Employment
Heavenly father, please sustain my spirit as I search for new and meaningful work. You have blessed me with a healthy body and a keen mind for which I am grateful. I ask that you open my path as I seek employment that will allow me to support my family and myself while serving others and your divine purpose. In gratitude and grace, Amen.
- Rev. Victor Fuhrman
Prayer for Strength and Faith
Dear Lord, In these troubling times,I am filled with unspeakable fears. I reach my hand out to you now. I ask you to walk beside me. Please help me hold on strong, During these storms. And help me hold my hopes high, Even in the darkest hour. Amen.
- Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
Blessing For God's Grace
The Children of Israel hungered in the desert and God gave them Manna. When the Temple was restored in Jerusalem, there was only enough lamp oil for one day, but God extended it to eight days. Jesus fed the multitudes with five loaves and two fish. With God’s grace, our “cups runneth over” and we “shall not want.” God provides. Amen.
- Rev. Victor Fuhrman
Prayer for Prosperity
Dear God, source of Love and Life who brings abundance to all, Please bring prosperity to me and my family now. We ask that these basic needs be filled: Money to pay our bills, Income to meet our mortgage (rent), Enough to feed us healthy food, And more than enough for health care and wellness. Beyond the material needs, please uplift our souls. Inspire our creativity and resourcefulness. Guide us in improving our lives. Please help us to hold on to faith And let us find peace. Amen.
- Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
Random Thoughts Thursday/Fitness Friday
Spring Break. Waaaah! Spring Break is over! *Tear* It went by way too fast! It's already Friday. Our next big vacation (summer) won't be for another 11 weeks. Oh, the horror! The pain! The agony of waiting...counting down the days. It's a good thing I love my job.
So, you wanna know what I did for spring break (you probably don't, but humor me, will you)? Ab-so-lute-ly NOTHING...and I loved it. Rest and relaxation - ain't that what it's all about? I mean, yeah, my sis and I were supposed to be in San Juan, Puerto Rico, lying on the beach, batting our hazels at the local cuties, BUT, we're in our own house! I'm in my roomy master bedroom with my equally roomy master bathroom. WE HAVE A HOUSE! I think Puerto Rico and the cuties can wait - besides, we're going in December. So, this spring break, we stayed home to bask in the awesome-ness of having our own house.
Mi Casa Nueva. So, I'm sure you can tell that I love my townhouse. I am so blessed! God is so good...He really is. The townhouse is roomier than we thought it would be. It's perfect for a first house. I have the master bedroom. It's not cuz my sister let me have it out of the goodness of her heart since I'm the oldest. No. I had to pay for it...literally. I bought her an iPod and promised to cook for a month just so I can have the master bedroom. It's worth it! I'm lovin the roomy-ness! We thought we'd be moving in with practically nothing, but when people - especially my wonderfully awesome parents - found out we were moving and needed furniture/dishes/food, they gave. Isn't that awesome? Here are pics. Our townhouse is the one with the cars in the drive.
Fitness Friday. After years of trying to lose weight using different methods, I've realized that the reason the weight keeps coming back is because my focus was on the weight, not on God. I take everything else to God, why not my weight/health issues? So, I bought a spiral. In this spiral, I have a scripture and affirmation to meditate on for each day. I exercise and eat right like normal, but I've just changed my focus. With this, I want to lose, not only unhealthy physical weight, but also unhealthy spiritual and mental weight. I want God to remove any access weight - both figuratively and literally speaking - that is keeping me from becoming the woman He intended me to be.
FYI
Random Thoughts Thursday and Fitness Friday (and possibly Inspirational Sunday) will return next week. I'm still in the middle of moving and unpacking, so things are pretty hectic...not to mention that fact that we don't have Internet and our computer (I'm using my parents' computer/Internet at now) isn't hooked up yet.
*Note: Everything will return on 3/15.
Inspirational Sunday
The Mountain Story
A son and his father were walking on the mountains. Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"
He receives the answer: "Who are you?"
Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"
He receives the answer: "Coward!"
He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"
The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."
And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"
The voice answers: "I admire you!"
Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"
The voice answers: "You are a champion!"
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life; Life will give you back everything you have given to it."
YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU!
-Author Unknown
